Thankfully thats over!

So Christmas and New Year have ended again. The "silly season" is over, those who never venture into pubs during the rest of the year can go back into hiding and I don't have to explain which one is the Guiness when the other two drinks are a larger and cider (yes it has happened).

One of the stranger moments of the day happened as the bar was picking up and I had to quickly answer the phone. A welsh female voice on the other end confirmed she was speaking to the correct pub and then told me she had been recieving calls from there. Strange, I thought, and as no-one had been near the phones I assumed there was some kind of freak fault on the line.

Me: "Really?"

Woman: "Yes, a man who drinks in there keeps calling me, and wants me down there for an argument and I really can't be bothered!"

Me: "Okay..." (standard response in those situations)

Woman: "Yes and he keeps accusing me of going around with other men and my mothers dying!" (no pause just a straight jump from one subject to another!)

Me: "Right errr..." (again pretty standard) "Do you know this mans name or what he looks like"

Woman: "Well he's in every morning for breakfast and his name is Elvis XXXXX Prestley" (the Xs are to hide the only part of his name I assume is real and can't remember now anyway!)

I look at my watch at this point at see its about 5.30pm
Me: "So errr, some guy called Elvis, who I have no idea what he looks like, is here in the mornings and calls you and you would like me to do something about it right now"

Woman: "Yes I want you to tell him to stop it otherwise I'm calling the police!"

Me: "errr ok I'll see what I can do"

And so the call ended and what I thought was best was to keep the Samaritans number by the phone in case she called back.

Apart from that and a few incidents of projectile vomiting the night went fairly well.

(poker stuff to be edited in later, basically i suck tonight and lost money, current roll at $706 with some extra on FT too)

Thoughts at the end of 2008

"God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference."

As one year closes and another begins the great cliché is to reflect on what has happened before and plan and dream what will happen in the future. I find myself drawing strength from the Serenity Pray quoted above, not because I have any religious inclinations or need to start attending alcoholic anonymous meetings, but just because it strikes a tone where I am right now and my desire to become a better person. When I read it I start thinking of aspects of my life it relates to and to my poker game. People have said before that poker is a metaphor of life, but I have never really realised before how true this is.

“… grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change”

In poker, if you are getting it in with the best or taking a correct risk from behind, there is really very little you can do. You’re opponent will show his hand, the board will come and there is nothing you can do about it. You just have to accept the fact that if you make the correct decisions based on the information you have, and believe that in the longterm things will even out in your favour. For 2009 I need to become more accepting of this fact and view bad plays getting lucky against me as a good thing longterm, because the odds will be in my favour.

In life I have to just be honest to the person I am, and speak my thoughts and feelings truly. I cannot do anything apart from that to affect the views or feelings of others towards me. All I can do is keep doing what I believe is right, based again on the information I have. True friends will understand and stay true regardless, however true friends are usually in smaller numbers than you would imagine. I found someone I care deeply about this year, but things weren’t meant to be so instead I have to accept this and hope I have found a good friend. Ofcourse only time will tell on this but she’ll be glad to hear I have no intentions on being a stranger.

Getting frustrated and angry in situations like these have never served me well. Throughout 2008 I have let myself down both on and away from the tables on repeated occasions because of this. Not only has this affected the ways others have viewed me, it has also affected my reasoning, and affected who I am as a player and a person. I have hurt people close to me over seemingly trivial reasons and done things out of jealously and self pity which I regret deeply. On the tables I have said things which if have not necessarily hurt others have affected their enjoyment of the game of poker. These have been mistakes I’ve made, due to my mindset at the time and lack of acceptance. I am sorry for these. In 2009 I hope to find acceptance and improve myself through this.

“… the courage to change the things I can”

Poker is about taking risks and the most successful players have always shown great courage at the tables. They are aggressive, they take those calculated risks and are often described as fearless. I feel I tread the line between courage and recklessness pretty closely and I need to recognise when to use it and when I reign it in a bit. I could also benefit from taking a few more shots as I know I can perform ok a couple of levels higher than what I presently play, and in order to make the most money I can off the tables I need to have the courage to take reasonable shots and hopefully benefit from them.

Off the tables I need the courage to open up and be myself more, especially in groups. Strange that I should feel that way having done such a sociable job for years, but when I’m not working I tend to be almost shy in groups, which has made me appear slightly aloof at times. I have escaped this for the last few years through using the internet and especially focusing on poker. I spoke earlier in the year about giving myself more time, this was because I was feeling isolated where I was, and I guess this is part of that. I need the courage in 2009 to just relax and be myself around others.

I also need the courage this year to really focus on the direction my career will take. I have not been overly happy in my current job for a couple of years now. Sure it has its moments and there are far worse things I could be doing but I can’t stay where I am forever. In 2009 I need to focus on either a change of career or (more likely in the country’s current finical situation) progressing within my current company. Ofcourse if there is a complete change I will need courage to carry it out and the thing I will need courage to do if it is the latter is to be selfish.

One thing I have always enjoyed doing is working for my mates, one of the reasons I moved to Ireland a few years back, and this familiarity with people I want to work for has really dictated my moves since. I’ve enjoyed it and had a blast if I’m being honest, but now I need more for myself and my future. I’m due for a move at the end of January and will again end up working alongside some people I consider friends, but I have to put myself first rather than them. I need to be able to put myself in the best light possible to those above and that means fulfilling my role to the best of my ability and to the company requirements rather than covering for friends and doing their roles. In order to progress myself I need to take a selfish approach and push myself even at the expense of others. This will take courage to make this change because it doesn’t come naturally for me, but it’s a lesson I’ve learnt off the managers I’ve worked for since I’ve been back in England.

“…and the wisdom to realise the difference”

Some changes I have initiated in 2008 I have ended up regretting, others I have exceeded my expectations. Similarly changes forced upon me have also had their mix of good and bad. The only constant in this world is things will change whether you want them to or not. Nothing stays the same or should it. People move away both physically and with the groups they mix with. Loved ones pass on and sometimes it just feels like it’s just you left alone with your memories of happier times. Families change and evolve, breakdown and return. Change is not always pleasant but it is never always completely bad, there is always somewhere or someone to draw strength from if you allow it.

Some things we just have to accept, others we will fight hammer and tong to alter, but we all have to grow as people and its through acceptance and change can we achieve this. I hope that when the time comes I will realise the difference and act accordingly. I also hope I will never be afraid of honesty or change.

May you have a happy and peaceful New Year on and off the tables.

The Bankroll Project

Ok back to poker and this is going to be very ambitious. I intend to take a $100 roll and build it up to a fairly considerable sum. I'm not setting a time limit for this, although I think it may take a couple of years at least. I will be playing MTTs for this, and will start with the $4 180s as I have a pretty good record in these, when I hit $1k I will move to other MTTs with buyins of $10 and below, and keep playing to a 1% rule. I will be drawing out regulary when I hit certain points but will use this blog to keep track of my games and results.

Although I intend to enjoy this I'm not playing for fun as such, or even for myself, this is just to raise some funds for a someone who needs them.

Starting Roll: $123.03

Quick Update

We I'm generally feeling happier in myself over the past few weeks and I feel I've found that balance. I've started playing a little bit again, mostly $5 DoN SNGs on Stars to try and build my roll up again, as I found them fairly easily I started 24 tabling, but after 3 or 4 sets of these I may cut it down to 16 or so just because I feel I'm rushing and making a few unneccessary mistakes in certain spots. I'm pretty sure though that I can slowly increase my tables and get up to the 24 again. Generally though my volume has be by far reduced, hopefully though I will get enough in to get Silver Star this month, and the $50 Stars have offered for it (I dropped down to Bronze for the first time in ages last month).

Other than that I've brought a car, which should reduce my travel costs, I've just got to get used to driving again, and will finally get an idea on where I am with my career this week. I have a second interview with another company tomorrow and a meeting with my area manager on Thursday, so I should have an idea on what plans he has for me and then be able to choose what I want to do.

Bit concerned about a friend, who I have strong feelings for, partly as I think she is doing too much in the old pub I was at. In two minds whether to stick around for her or do what is best for me. To be honest my feelings for her haven't helped my mindest the last couple of months and I did write a paragraph about her in my previous post, but removed it after 24hrs. I'll probably put something up at some stage about it all, and the good news is, again, I have found some balance with that situation. I do know though that she will either directly or indirectly have an influence on my career decission on how far I want to move or where I want to go, but I'm pretty sure I'll be staying close by.

Time

For different reasons it looks like I'm going to be taking a break from poker for a while. Apart from practical reasons (ie. poor connection) there are also some far deeper reasons for how the game has affected me and my life.

Firstly I don't blame poker for anything as such, I'm not up to my eyeballs in debt or anything, but I have had a borderline obsession with the game. It takes time to learn the game, time to play the game and time to review. As I've stated before I've never really played poker for the money, but it's always been more about the challenge and the thrill of success. But I don't feel I have the spare time right now to improve to be as good as I want to be. There are more important things for me right now.

With all the moving around I have done in my job it has been basically impossible to maintain a close circle of friends. Sure I have a handful of close friends who I keep in touch with, but they're all in different places around the UK. Poker has really cut into my social time, either by not going out because of playing or being to tired to after a long session which has lasted through until dawn (or beyond!), and this is time I now want to get back. Although I have enjoyed meeting different people through the game, and do class some of my online contacts as friends despite never seeing them, it's pretty obvious friendship through a keyboard and monitor can never replace real life human inter-action.

When I moved from Derry back to Worcestershire I was hoping to settle a bit, rekindle old friendships and spend more time with my family. This hasn't really happened for a few reasons but my time spent playing poker is one of them. I am now in a frustrating situation with my job, and alone in a town with probably only one or two people I would count as friends.

The recent changes in my job, which for any who have read my previous posts can see have really got me down and annoyed, have also got me thinking about what I am missing in my life and what I want for my future. I have used poker for too long as an escape, to fill a hole I have in my life. When things are going bad for me, I tend to ignore them and grind out my games. Recently I have gone into a depression where I have avoided responsibilities in everything apart from my job. I now need to face up to what I need to do to make these changes for myself.



I hope when my life becomes more balanced I will want to return to poker. I may even play the odd game during my "break", but I don't intend to be playing any volume as such. I also intend to continue adding posts on here, hopefully more than what I've done in the past couple of months and not so whiny. God knows what I'll end up writing about, but lets face it, it looks like I'll have some time to find out :)

DoN SNGs

With a long thread on 2+2 and the introduction of these things on Stars, these have become a hot topic on the different SNG forums. Mark has asked me to do an article on them for SNGPlanet so I'll probably do that on my day off tomorrow and ship it off to him.

To be honest as a long term game I think these things are the most boring invention ever and I'm agreeing with the 2+2 who say the rake bites too much in these. I was talking to Pondlife about them earlier, as he played the quite a bit on Poker Room, or another similar site a couple of months back, and he said that an average player should win 50% of them. However this would mean he was a losing player as he would be losing $ to the rake each time and not profiting enough to cover it.

I do think that as a bankroll builder, for either a smart player starting out or an experianced player who has suffered a bad run or wants to increase his roll, they could have their uses, so this is the line I'll probably take in the article. As I said a couple of posts ago I've been using these to build my micro I-Poker rolls up so I could cash them out, and my main reason for doing that was the varience was so much lower.

Still lots of random thoughts about them at the moment but I'll organise them properly over the next 24 hours and hopefully get something worth a read.

Meanwhile in my 180 stake I'm running like crap. Haven't cashed in one yet out of about 9 games, which is disappointing but not unusual. The good thing is that apart from a couple of times overall I'm happy with my play and I'm getting it in ahead in the majority of cases. As long as I hit a couple of $11 FTs I should be back in it again, and if not I'll just drop down and grind the $4.40s.

Had a few calls off recruitment agencies this week after posting up my CV on a couple of sites, which is always good. There ofcourse is a theme for the questions they are asking me over the phone and probably will in interviews so now I've got those down I can start getting together clearer answers for those. Have an interview up in Birmingham on Thursday, again for an agency covering several chains, so fingers crossed there. People keep telling me it's not the right time to be changing jobs with all the economic unrest, but I know I can't continue where I am and also feel that it's during those times of unrest where the most interesting oppourtunites present themselves.

Small World? ... nah just Titchy

So there I am Thursday night just playing a few random $3 multi-table SNGs, mainly because it's late and I haven't got time for the 180s. I end up final tabling one with a short stack and eventually it's folded to me with K9s. I shove then realise the BB has a ton of chips and will probably call me so I'm not too happy about it, although I didn't have much choice. Sure enough he thinks for a min and calls with Q7, hits the 7 on flop and the turn and gg me. I'm kinda pissed off, because I had a chipleader stack earlier on and had been in great shape to win, so out of frustration I type "good call..." to which he replied "sorry, had no choice" which was right.

So nothing strange or startling ther, but then I hover my mouse over his name to see where he's from, expecting to see some random German town, and instead I see it's Derry. Automatically I assume it's the one in Ireland (and not New Hampshire, US, which is odd really considering it's 4am GMT) and look at the players name to see if there is any indication if I know him. The fella's name was Titch26. Then it clicks that one of the guy's I used to work with in Derry, who now runs one of the pubs, has the nickname of Titch. "Fk me is that (the person's name)" I ask him in chat, followed by "hey do you run a pub in Derry". There was no answer, but if it was the same Titch I knew he is older than me and no too used to PCs so probably didn't pay too much attention to the chat.

The next day I remembered and text him, and it turns out it was him all along. 70k people or so online, a random sng, and a player I wouldn't have paid too much attention too if he hadn't eliminated me...wanker! A pretty amazing coincidence anyway.

I ended up just making a couple of dollars that night with an $11 seat to the 200k from a FPP sat but chatting away to Titch the next night I ran good in a few mt-sngs and ended up about $100+.

I'm starting another stake for my backer this weekend, this time for mostly the $11/180s. I was hoping to start tonight but I looks like I may have agreed to other commitments earlier on in the week, so see what happens. I'll post a link to the rail thread in the corner anyway if anyone wants to keep track of it. I've also put about $40 across a couple of Sunday BAPs (buy a piece) ran by decent players, so hopefully one of them will run good and I'll see a return. The three guys I have brought a piece of for their month long BAPs (give or take) all seem to have gotten off to a reasonable start and after railing a few games and seeing their posted hands I'm happy with my picks.